


What’s really golden.

by ChrryCoke



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types
Genre: 1960s, Aftermath, How Do I Tag, Internalized Homophobia, Johnny’s dead, M/M, Oh look Relatively soft Dallas, Period-Typical Homophobia, sorry lads.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25910233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrryCoke/pseuds/ChrryCoke
Summary: After Johnny dies, Dallas is a broken man. After storming to the Curtis house in tears and rage, he realized that there’s more to life than just being with someone you loved.
Relationships: One sided Dallas Winston/Johnny Cade, Ponyboy Curtis/Dallas Winston
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. 1

Dallas Winston was never vulnerable. Never. Not even when time was the worst for him- he never cried. He’d been through too much to cry, he didn’t even remember how to if he was being honest.

But to someone who’d known dally for so many years, it would be insane to see him even shed a tear. Because that was what he was doing now, shedding tears.

He’d lost the one person he’d ever loved. That boys name was Johnny Cade. Of course people would probably think that meant as friends, people like his gang and the Shepards, but it was far more complex than that. 

Dally Winston didn’t just love Johnny as a friend. He was in love with him, like he’d love a broad. Every time that kid moved, talked, dally would just fall harder. Of course, Dallas beat himself up for it almost every time he caught himself eyeing the kid up and down too long or something.

Johnny didn’t love him back, however. Johnny wasn’t into guys. Maybe that explained why he was so excited when those two damned Soc girls invited him and Ponyboy to sit with them. 

He didn’t even remember their names, all he knew was that one was a redhead and the other was a brunette. Not like he cared, he wasn’t actually interested in the red headed girl. 

That was the thing about Dally. He hit on girls to keep away from the fact that he wanted to kiss on his best friend. 

Johnny was dead now. And it was all Dally’s damned fault. If only he hadn’t taken them back to the church, Johnny could be alive. Might have been Thrown in jail, but Dally would have found a way to get himself locked up, just so he could be with Johnny. 

Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, and now Dallas was standing outside a supermarket, holding an unloaded gun in his pocket, and tracks of tears down his face. If there were actual bullets in the gun, he could have done the job himself. Unfortunately there weren’t any bullets, and he was gonna have to get someone else to do the job. 

He didn’t know why, there was just no point in living now. The one boy he loved was dead. He felt bad for Pony though, he just left the kid. He hoped he was alright, he looked really bad after the rumble. 

Dallas shoved the gun in his pocket, looking around the area before shaking his head, and storming into the grocery store. 

He could feel the store clerks eyes burning into the back of his head as made his way to the magazines.

Ten, nine, eight, 

Dallas counted back from ten in his head. Did he really want to do this? Did he really want to get himself shot up just because he was so in love with his late friend? 

Seven, six, five, 

He did. Dallas didn’t want to stay alive, there was no point in living. He’d end up dead anyways, just like his old man would always tell him he would.

Four, three, two,

Dally clenched the magazine he was holding in his hand, and he could feel himself trembling all over. Why was he scared? He didn’t know, and he didn’t wanna know. He didn’t get why he was so damn terrified. He’d thought about doing this before. Only reason he didn’t was cause of Johnny, but now that Johnny was gone, what was the point of it?

One.

Dallas looked down at his shoes, and he wasn’t sure what he was gonna do. Was he gonna chicken out? Dallas Winston was not a coward, not in the slightest. 

Dally didn’t know why he did it- but he shoved the magazine back into the stack it was in, and ran out of the store like his heels caught fire. 

He was running- running faster than he’d ever ran before. He was beginning to feel lightheaded, he wasn’t feeling too good either. Maybe it was because he was just shocked, or cause he was out of breath, but he didn’t even know where he was running until he got to the gate of the Curtis’s house. 

Dally didn’t want the gang to see him like this- sobbing and shaking like a leaf, crying his eyes out. Wait, was he still crying? Dally brought a hand to his eyes, scrubbing his nose up at the salty tears on his fingers. 

He was still sobbing, shaking, and he didn’t wanna be alone. He didn’t know why, he just didn’t. Dally opened the gate, his white blonde hair falling down his face in clumps and sticking to his forehead.

When he approached the door, he went to reach for the doorknob, but his hand was trembling so badly that he could hardly even get a grip. God, he thought to himself. What’s wrong with me? He thought, and he let his hand drop to his side again. 

Dally wanted to just be around someone, he didn’t give a shit who it was. Darry, Soda, anyone. Dally was unable to trust himself in fear of what he would do.

Dally finally, even though he was still shaking, he flung open the door, his eyes glued to his shoes because he couldn’t trust himself to look at anyone in the face. 

He didn’t hear any movement besides the door slamming shut behind him, but he heard a small, and clearly cracked, “Dallas?” 

Dally shot his head up, and he was met with the shaky green eyes of Ponyboy. Pony had an ice pack held to his head and he had a blanket around him. It was clear he’d been crying, but Dallas could hardly see that because his whole head was spinning, and his own tears were clogging up his vision. 

“What?” He snapped out, but it sounded pathetic, instead of menacing like he hoped it would. Dally had his teeth clenched so tightly that he swore that he was gonna break one. He was shaking so badly, and he quickly moved to the couch so that he was sitting down.

Ponyboy tensed when the couch dipped. He subconsciously scooted closer to Dallas, and he moved the ice pack from his head.

“Where’d you go?” Pony asked, his voice clearly broken. He didn’t know how to stay gold when he just lost someone who meant so much to him. Unlike Dallas, he only loved Johnny as a friend, but the kid meant so much to him. 

“None of your business,” Dally mumbled under his Breath. They were the only ones in the room, dally assumed everyone Else was asleep. Ponyboy looked at Dallys face, and he parted his lips and furrowed his brow.

He could tell dally had been crying. His eyes were red and his usual tough look was replaced by a look of grief. Dally looked real different when his features weren’t so scrunched up, but that was besides the point. 

“Are you okay?” Pony asked. “There ain’t no one else here, Dal. You can talk to me,” he quietly said, dally attempted to glare at him, but when he did, his eyes bubbled up with tears again and he had to turn away. 

“You’ll rat me out,“ dally said. “You’ll tell everyone I’ve been crying like a broad,” he said, leaning forward and hiding his face in his hands. 

Ponyboy stared at him for a minute. He was sure dally wouldn’t hurt him when he was literally shaking like he’d been shot, plus he’d have the whole gang to deal with. 

“Dallas,” Pony said. “I won’t rat you out man,” he paused, and he looked away form dally. “You can drop the whole act for a minute,” he quietly said.

Dally looked at him, and just stared. God, he wanted to talk to someone- but was Pony really the right person? Dally didn’t trust his gut instinct to keep his mouth shut, he just blabbed.

“I don’t know what to do man,” dally muttered, almost inaudibly. Ponyboy had to lean down a bit so he could hear the other boy speak to him. “He’s...he’s gone for good, man. What the hell am I gonna do?” Dally muttered. He regretted not aiming that gun at the cashier at the grocery store. Why didn’t he just do it? He’d save himself this damn conversation with Pony.  
He could have easily gotten up and left, but he didn’t know how much he trusted himself with walking alone. 

“I don’t know,” Pony said. “There ain’t much you really can do anymore,” he softly said. The two stayed quiet for a moment, before Ponyboy leaned down, and took dally’s arms. 

Dally didn’t stop him- he wasn’t sure what Pony was doing, until the kid had his arms wrapped around him and his face buried into his chest, and dally could feel the tears soaking his shirt.

Dally looked at the door to make sure that no one was coming in, and the down the hall. It would be a shame to see the two Hugging. Dally sighed, before wrapping his arms around Ponyboy so tightly that Ponyboy couldn’t breath for a second. He just put his face in the crook of his neck, and just blinked away the salty tears going down his face.

It would be a rare sight to see Dallas Winston and Ponyboy Curtis hugging onto each other like they were gonna die Any minute. But neither of them cared. Dally would probably be ashamed of himself the next day, but god damnit he didn’t care. He needed comfort and he needed to be with someone, and that someone happened to be Ponyboy.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that- until Ponyboy has passed out ontop of Dallas. He didn’t know why he didn’t shove Pony off, but he wanted to. He didn’t know why he tightened his hold, and why he laid back so that the kid wasnt in such a scrunched position. He didn’t know why he was even holding pony in the first place, and he didn’t know why he was even at their house in the first place. He didn’t care, he just didn’t wanna be left alone again, knowing what he was capable of doing to himself. So Dallas fell asleep, holding Pony in his arms.


	2. 2

Ponyboy woke up a couple hours later- he’d always been an early bird. Waking up at the crack of dawn. He was sleeping a bit later than usual, but soda was still asleep and so was Darry. 

He still had unshed tears in his eyes- and when he blinked, they dropped out of his eyes like two raindrops. He let out a groggy sigh- realizing that he wasn’t alone- 

‘Did soda take me to our room last night?’ He thought to himself, but he didn’t really have the energy to raise up again. All he knew was that he was hugged up all over someone and that they weren’t shoving him away.

Finally, after a few minutes of just laying there, with his head on whoever he was laying with, he raised up, just a bit so he could see who it was, he expected it to be Soda, but it wasn’t. 

He was laying on top of a sleeping Dallas winston...  
And he wasn’t getting beat up. 

Ponyboy raised up a bit more, so that he could look at Dallas. He had a faint memory of the conversation they both had last night. He was so wrapped up in the fact that Johnny was dead, that he had remembered sobbing like a baby before Dallas had shown up. That was the thing, Dally had been crying too. 

Pony leaned forward just a bit, so he could get a better look at Dally’s face. He had tear streaks going down his face, clear he’d been crying the night before. That wasn’t the only thing that was different about Dallas though. His face wasn’t crinkled up in annoyance, and his hair was out of his eyes, so he could actually make out the others features. He looked oddly peaceful, it was almost scary to Ponyboy. That wasn’t all though.

His arms were loosely wrapped around Ponyboy, and to be honest, Pony didn’t wanna move around. One because he was comfortable, two he didn’t wanna wake Dallas up. He was scared what the others would think if they walked in on this sight. 

“Dallas,” Pony mumbled, raising up so that Dally’s arms fell off of him, and Pony couldn’t help but sigh.

Dally woke up with a groggy groan. His eyes were still filled with tears, and they dropped down the sides of his face and down into his hair. “The hell, Pony?” He asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. 

Ponyboy moved so that he wasn’t on Dally’s legs anymore. He looked at the other, and realized that his eyes were still sorta puffy and red. 

“The hell were you..” dally trailed off. He looked at Pony, and realized the bruises on his face from last nights rumble. He thought for a moment, and his face paled. Johnny was dead- Johnny was actually dead. It wasn’t all some nightmare he wanted to wake up from- the boy he loved was gone. 

Dallas just stared at the ground for a minute- how could he really be dead? “Dallas-“ Pony muttered. “Are you okay?”

Dally looked at Ponyboy again, and he sighed. “Yeah, it’s whatever man,” dally said, but his voice cracked. “How’re ya?” The older asked. “Got your head kicked in at the rumble, man,” dally muttered, and his face scrunched up. Pony pressed his lips together. Dally looked nice when he wasn’t all angry looking. 

Ponyboy just looked away, wincing at the dull pain in his head. “Yeah, socs went rough on us last night, huh Dal?” Pony muttered, but his voice was scratchy just like Dallas’s, and a bit of post-cry breaths too. 

“Sure did,” he responded. The two sat in silence for a few moments, wrapped up in their own heads. They couldn’t hear besides the birds chirping outside The house. 

“I can’t believe he’s actually gone,” Pony mumbled under his breath- and he tensed up when Dallas shifted.  
“What you two did is stupid,” Dallas snapped- but his voice was so shaky, like he was gonna start crying again. “See what happens when you help people, huh?” He snapped towards Pony’s direction.

Ponyboy turned away from dally again. “It was worth saving those kids, Dallas,”

Ponyboy watched as Dally’s head snapped back towards him, and Dal looked like he was gonna cry again.  
“They were kids, goddamnit.” He mumbled. “What were they gonna do? Become doctors or something? Big deal,” Dally said. “Ain’t like the world would hurt with a few little brats dead,” he added on, and Ponyboy looked away. 

“Dallas,” Pony mumbled. “Johnny would have wanted us to save those kids,” Dally snapped his head back at Pony, and glared Daggers at him. “And he’s stupid too,” he sighed. “You’re both so damn stupid. Now Johnny’s dead and he ain’t coming back,” 

Dally regretted not going through with his plan- He knew he wouldn’t end up in heaven, if there even was a heaven. He’d be burning in hell for the rest of eternity, with all the shit he had done.

Ponyboy felt a weird twist of anger in his gut- and he turned his head towards Dallas so fast that his neck hurt. “Don’t say that!” He snapped- and before he could really stop himself, tears rolled down his face like raindrops would. You don’t cry in front of Dally, everyone knew that.

“He would have wanted you to be proud! Not calling him stupid,” Ponyboy said, and he turned away, so that he wasn’t sobbing in Dally’s direction. Dally fought back the urge to slap him- but he didn’t have the energy. He was tired and his whole body was hurting- thanks to the socs at the rumble. 

“Whatever,” Dallas snapped. “Ain’t much we can do about it now,” he muttered.

Ponyboy looked down at his muddy shoes- and bit his lip.  
“He’s really gone, ain’t he Dallas?” Ponyboy whispered. “The hell we gonna do?” He asked, looking back at Dally.

Dallas wasn’t gonna cry- not again, But his eyes burned and they were all puffy still. “Yeah, he is. Damnit,” he muttered, putting his head in his hands. 

Ponyboy moves forward, and hesitantly put his hands on Dallas’s shoulders. “Dal,” he quietly said. Dally tensed up, and glanced back towards Pony again.

“He’s in a better place now man,” Pony mumbled, and Dallas raised up. He didn’t realize how close he and pony were until they were nearly touching noses. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, kid.” He looked at Pony’s lips for a spilt second, then back up at his eyes. “Just hurts, man,” he mumbled- Pony realized that they were close aswell, his mind was telling him to back up, but he didn’t. Instead he did the complete opposite, and moved forward. “Yeah,” he mumbled, and he didn’t know why, but he looked at Dally’s lips again, and-

“What the hells going on here?”


	3. Chapter 3

Dally quickly shot to the other end of the couch- and Ponyboy fell backwards and onto the ground. They were staring at none other than Darrel Curtis- who had a look of disgust mixed with grief on his face. 

“You two looked like a couple of fags,” Darry muttered under his breath. Dally winced. He already had a crush on Johnny- well, he used to. Kid was dead now, only thing that didn’t die was his feelings. Now he had a weird feeling of disgust mixed with sorrow and sadness. Dally wanted to break down, run out and find a way to get himself killed. 

He didn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t just run out, and do something. Whether that be getting in a fight with the wrong guy and bleeding out on the streets, or drinking too much alcohol. Nah, those would take too long.

“We were hugging, Darry,” Pony quietly said. He looked at his brother, who just rolled his eyes. “Ponyboy,” he started. “If I ever catch you kissing all over a guy, I’ll beat the gay out of you,” Darry casually said, as if it wasn’t hurtful. Ponyboy knew Darry was homophobic- if you even mentioned anything other than heterosexuality around him, Darry would start blabbing about how it was against gods will or shit like that. 

“Yeah,” Ponyboy quietly said. Darry narrowed his eyes. He looked at Dallas, and his face softened a bit. He looked clearly disheveled and tired, pretty worn out too. It was obvious that he’d been crying. It was weird seeing Dallas cry. It had only happened once though, as far as Darry knew. Once Dallas had gotten so shitfaced drunk- and spilled a bunch of his feelings to poor soda who was on the couch that night. Darry had walked down the hallway just to See that- he didn’t say anything. Even he, the brawn Of the gang, was scared to get in the way Of Dallas Winston.

Dally wasn’t a weak guy, no sir. He was violent, rough and reckless. Didn’t let no one tell him what to do, and god help the ones who did. He once watched Dally slap a girl who couldn’t have been older than fourteen in the face, just because she accidentally stepped on his shoe. He got thrown in the cooler for almost a year for that. 

But that wasn’t the same Dallas. He wasn’t holding a hard expression- in fact he looked like he was on the edge of breaking down. 

“You alright, Dallas?” Darry asked, as he walked into the kitchen. Dally has been zoned out, his eyes glued to his shoes because he didn’t wanna look at anyone in the face. “Huh?” He said, once he heard the faint call of his name. 

“I asked if you were okay,” Darry repeated, and opened the fridge again. “Uh, yeah,” Dally shortly said, and looked back at Ponyboy. 

Pony was leaning back on the couch, with his Head resting on the arm. His bleached hair was a mess, coming down in front of his face in clumps of grease and sweat, sticking to his forehead which he hadn’t noticed yet. His face was completely bruised, and there was a red stain directly below his nose. Dally didn’t like seeing Pony like that. The kid was annoying, but dally always felt like the kid needed someone behind him. He didn’t care about Ponyboy as much as he did about Johnny, but he definitely did in a way. 

“Do you want me to start on breakfast?” Pony yelled towards his brother.

“Nah, I got it kid.” Darry said. He had work in a few hours, he had time to spar. “Can one of you go get Sodapop up?” Darry called. 

Ponyboy nodded, even though Darry couldn’t see it, and he started back to their shared room.   
Darry waited until he heard the door shut, and he sighed, and walked back into the living room. He decided to drop the fact that his brother and Dallas were only a few movements away from a kiss, he wasn’t gonna worry about that. For now.

“Where’d you go last night?” Darry asked, but Dallas didn’t respond. He had his eyes glued to the ground, a hard and pained look on his face. 

Why didn’t he go through with his damn plan? This was such bullshit, having to sit in the damn house when he should have been dead in a morgue. Well the cops would probably just throw him into the streets or something. He’d probably make their job easier by being dead. 

“Winston,” Darry snapped, and the Pale blonde finally Looked in his direction. “What?” He snapped, with a certain venom in his voice that wasn’t there when he was talking to Ponyboy. 

“Where’d you run to last night?” The older asked, shifting his weight to one foot. “Had Ponyboy worried sick,” he said. “Kid slept on the couch to make sure you didn’t do nothin dumb,” 

Dally raised a brow. Pony waited on him? Damn, that was a surprise. “None of your damn business, man,” Dally snapped.

Darry went quiet for a moment. He sighed, and glare back at Dallas. “Don’t do anything dumb, Winston. The gang can’t lose another member,” Darry said. And with that, he marched back into the kitchen to actually start breakfast. 

“Hey, what giv-“ Dallas was cut off by the door slamming open- Dally could hardly get a look at who came in before they rushed past him, and into the bathroom. He heard faint sounds of vomiting, and Dally gagged softly. Two-bit was who ran in, and he practically drank his dinner when he heard that Johnny was dead. 

Dally sighed, and he heard faint talking from the hallway. Soon enough, Pony stepped out, with Soda behind him. The whole gang was here, minus Steve and Johnny. Steve was working the early shift at the DX, and Johnny was, well, dead. 

Ponyboy took a seat on the couch again, close to Dallas again. The house was quiet- all he could really hear was the sound of a shower, the clicking of pans in the kitchen, and the television static. 

It was quiet, uncomfortably quiet. Dally just sat there, with his arms crossed. Damn, this was Boring. “Im going out,” he suddenly announced. Dally stood up, and Ponyboy looked at him.

Pony knew that Johnny was the only thing that Dallas ever loved. Or atleast, what he gave off. Everyone knew that Dallas didn’t give a care in the world about plenty of things. “Dallas, wait-“ Ponyboy said- not exactly meaning to say it. 

Dally was halfway out the door- and everyone’s attention went to the now blonde when his words were followed up by silence. Ponyboy stared- damn, why did he say anything in the first place? 

“I’m coming with you,” he suddenly announced- and he got a weird look from Soda when he stepped out of the bathroom. Pony grabbed his jacket- not waiting before he quickly stepped out the door. 

“What’s your deal kid?” Dally asked- his harsh words that he used towards Darry were replaced by softer words. Damn, he was turning into a pansy. 

“Nothing,” pony muttered. “Too quiet in there, man. It was making me uncomfortable,” Pony whispered.

The gang wasn’t the gang without all seven of them there. Damn.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a one shot, and to ( hopefully )prove that my writing isn’t that awful, I’m just shit at writing in first person. 
> 
> Plus, I never See any Dallyboy fics so why not write one myself?


End file.
